KK. I mentioned I would come back to Freak #2. Well, here I is.
Freak #2 not only is in serious competition for the title of Head Freak, but his family is helping with the effort. Maybe I'll get to more on that near the end, but right now, this is his drama.
Nice guy, typically. But he is quirky. Not in a "gone over the edge" way either. He just has a way of presenting reality in a skewed, if not always rational, way.
An example, he called me over a couple weeks back to show off his newest acquisition, a table saw. Off hand that isn't a big deal, guys will "Ohhh and Ahh" at almost any power tool. However...this thing was like a prop from a bad horror movie.
It was an old Snears table saw, circa late 50's, early 60's. The thing stands almost 40 inches tall with a table top around 18 inches square (not very big even by model makers standards). The legs are close spaced and spindly, no stability to them at all. The motor that powers this anemic spider is mounted on a platform that hangs in outer space behind the table (it used to be attached somehow to the main unit but the mountings have been lost, so it just hangs there). And a belt (worn and sloppy loose) drives the shaft the blade is mounted to. There is no rip fence or miter slide on the machine. I can't even hazard a guess what it was specifically made for, but construction probably wasn't in the designers mind (I hope).
Anyway, Freak #2 is proud as a new dad showing this OSHA nightmare off and bragging how he "stole" it for 20 bucks at an estate auction. I'm secretly wondering if this thing was part of the reason for the estate auction. ("Tragic passing of Mr. X while doing home repair and construction.." the news line must have read.) Freak lamented that he would have liked to have a rip fence on it, but it didn't look like he could mount one even if he wanted to (he couldn't, trust me on that one).
By the time he finished showing off this Emergency Room Trip maker, he told me any time I wanted to borrow it, just yell. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had been looking at buying one myself and was just a little bit away from making the purchase. I told him I'd keep that in mind (especially if I heard sirens) and left.
Now, if that wasn't bad enough, he started using the thing. Building shelves for the garage. Lame and anemic saw sounds drifted out of his garage on a regular basis. I didn't think much of it at first. Until I saw him wrestling with a full sized sheet of plywood. No way is he going to run that through that saw....he did. And I waited for the sirens.
They never came. But I did notice he started inviting people he used to work with (he's retired...that should explain a bit...no offense Cop Car and HH, but some retirees have more time and less sense on their hands than others) over to help him manhandle the wood through that death trap. KK, at least he had the sense to get help.
However, he presents a grand visual when he is busy doing stuff: pot bellied with a tight T shirt, plaid suspenders for his jeans, house slippers, HUGE floppy Asian "paddy hat", and ivory flight line earmuffs (for the noise). He looks like some LSD driven cartoon character.
The "paddy hat" would be fine if he was working outside, I burn easily myself, but anyone would be better off with a wide brimmed hat in the sun. He wears it while working with the saw in the garage though. And earmuffs to protect his ears from loud noise is a smart idea (I have a pair of Safety Orange ones myself for work), but that saw makes less noise than if he hand sawed the wood. It really is that lame.
And most people, when not making noise, or working around it, take the muffs off. He doesn't. He leaves them on and yells, so he can hear himself, when talking to his helpers.
(and now for some of the family help for the title) Usually, when all this is going on, his wife is outside working on her flowers in a robe. Yes, a robe. A BATH robe. A nice bright pink one, or sometimes a purple one. And not only when he is outside working. She'll traipse out at any given time, or season, wearing the robe to do something outside. Animals and little children exit the neighborhood when this happens.
I'm going to leave the daughter out of it though. The way she dresses when doing work outside the house defies description. To do it justice would take a photograph. Suffice it to say, she thinks she looks "HOT". Sometimes, yes. Most times, not.
I'm telling you, competition is hot for the title. Freak #2 is making a grand stand blast for the Gold. Freak #1 has longevity on his side, and that's a plus. But his family isn't doing much to help him keep his lead.
Now, I am not without my foibles, anyone who knows me will tell you I've got a few. But this group is providing me with a lot of entertainment and wonder.
Yes Yoda, I bow to the masters.
"It is fierce out there on the field today sports fans."
Freaks happen.
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