NOW, THE ANSWER

to the question.  What is "hydro-therapy".

I was reading the paper a couple weeks back (wished I'd saved the ad) and this advertisement caught my attention.  Don't know why exactly, it just did.

It was for one of the numerous spa's in the city, a high end one.  Pretty good sized ad, taking up a lot of space and very cluttered (kind of unusual for such a top end spa, in my opinion).

The clutter was a montage of all the goodies the spa offered.  It have tons of offerings.  There are various massages, facials, manicures, and pedicures available.  They have waxings for hair removal of every kind, electrolysis, including some kind of self-administered electronic version, all discreet, (you figure it out).  They offer mud baths, vegetable soaks, Jacuzzis, hot tubs, and whirlpools.  You can get acupuncture, acupressure, hot stone therapy, Chinese hot-suction cups, and a Chi reading.  Aroma therapy, both scents (incense) and bath oils, to go with the Jacuzzis and whirlpools.  Sensory deprivation tanks are available with soothing sounds pipes in to relieve stress.  Body wraps of scented gauze soaked in mud, or seaweed and kelp, to help soak out different toxins, can be bought.  And, if you bring in a floor plan, with an appointment, they can do a feng-shui reading for you.

Anything and EVERYTHING to make one prettier, livelier, healthier, and more relaxed.

Gift certificates starting at $200, for yourself, or that special someone in your life: wife, husband, significant other, mother, or coworker...anyone.

And tucked in the corner of this cluttered ad, they had "AND NOW OFFERING"; "NEW"..."Hydro-therapy".  "Our Trained Therapists are Professional, Gentle, and Discreet".

Golly, I hope so.  In a place that offer Brazilian wax jobs, personal hair removal sessions, Swedish massages and full body wraps, discreet has to be the First name, not the middle name.  I was about to gloss over and move on, but they had my attention.  Glad I stayed for the rest of the show.

"SIX different solutions to choose from." And they listed them: Saline, Lavender, This Herb, That Herb, Yak Spit,....  "The right combination for the proper cleansing.  Dislodges and Removes toxins that sap the strength.  Revitalizes.  Opens the way for proper absorption of vitamins, nutrients, and minerals.  Reduces the risk of polyps.   *******SCREECH*********

POLYPS???

Solutions?  Cleansing?  Dislodges?  Absorption?  Polyps?  HOLY C..umm...err..OW!  This high end (no pun intended) spa, is offering ENEMAS!  (insert your own joke here.  Starting with "sticking up the stuck up")

My eyes are burning from the visuals I'm getting.  (I'm going to need a whole different kind of therapy.)  Ah, well.

Next question (OK, several questions): How does one come upon this as a calling in life?  Bad proctology student with a "D-" average?

Also, how does one become a "Trained Therapist" in this field?

And, WHO is the unlucky person that certifies them?  Any takers for THAT job?

I certainly hope they are "Professional, GENTLE, and discreet".

And have great reflexes.

Dodging happens.

(BTW...Janet, you pretty much had it.  Good call.)

Comments

[CK]

And to think, all this time I thought I wanted to be an LPN. I have just found my life's calling. That is funny!

[Buffy]

oh mannnnnnnnnn.....I think I'll stay away from that spa. A colonoscopy once every ten years is more than enough.

btw..."yak spit" gave me a giggle.

[Heathen]

OMG you are so funny.

No wonder the rest of the country thinks us Californian's are so strange, there is not a "mid to high end" that I know of that does not offer them.

They are pretty normal anymore when you are doing your fastings and cleansings, they really do mean from the inside out.

[Martie]

GROSS! I never in a million years would have throught of hydro-therapy as an enema. Heathen is right about Californians being strange if this is on a normal spa menu.

[Chelle]

Hmmm.. I have the urge to ask Honey about this. Mwahaha