PARANOIA

This is a bit of a thought about a post on Country Living at Bogies site. It ws followed up with New Neighbors.

It could get long winded but, they are my thoughts.

I do agree with the whole idea that people move to the country to get away from the stresses of the city and to feel more independent. It is supposed to be a more neighborly environment. Bogie was quick to point out that even if you didn't know the person on a "come over for coffee" basis, you still watched out for each other. That there is a feeling of acceptance and support you don't find in the city. And this is how it should be.

Unfortunately, it is also "trendy" for certain groups. Moving into the "BURBS" is a sign of finally making it to the top or "big time"; kind of like the idea of a having a "trophy wife" or "boy toy". It also means most of these people take the trappings of the city to the country as well. The fears and paranoia's come along for the ride.

Having come from the BIG CITY on the East coast, I know how they feel. Houses in the neighborhoods I grew up in and lived around, started sprouting grates and bars on their windows and doors before I left in '74. People I knew have moved out of neighborhoods that generations of family members grew up in, because of the crime rates and violence. Moved away from the filth and decay of crumbling areas that once were the show cases for people to move into in the first place.

When I hit Kansas, it was a MAJOR culture shock for me. People greeted each other while out walking at night. People they DIDN'T know, at night, in the dark, walking in the middle of the street. Back home, we would have locked the doors, called the police and, if we had them, pointed guns at them, just in case. Here, when your car brakes down on the road, people stop and help. Back home, your car would have been stripped before you could lock the doors. (Which, if you followed the advice of the police, should be locked even after you got into it, as well as before. The only time the car was unlocked was during entry and exit.)

It took me a long time to get used to this open kind of lifestyle. There are a few throwback notions that I haven't been able to shake. One of which is the inherent natural distrust of strangers. I have to work hard on that one, but the raised eyebrow-sideways look is still there. After walking the streets on the coast for any length of time, it becomes a survival instinct action.

The "newbies" coming into Bogie's neighborhood may be from an area that fosters this type of behaviour as a necessary survival habit. They may eventually outgrow it, but by then, the basic "Howdy" goodwill will already be shot. The others will have these people tagged as outsiders, and justly so, they are. They will be the square peg in the round hole and won't be able to figure out what they did to deserve it. Even if you try to explain it to them, they probably won't understand.

With time and patience they might figure it out and start to fit in. All you can do is wait and see. I know I worked on fitting in for a long time before I came to grips with the cultural differences. But then again I'm different, I adapt as part of my survival skills.

And I'm glad I did, I love the area I'm in. My family has asked me countless times to move back to the coast, and I've turned them down every time. Yes, I miss the big cities. Yes, I miss the shore. Yes, I miss the millions of things I could do on the coast and the family that is back there. But, the midwest offers things I can never get on the coast.

Am I willing to give up walking down the street in the middle of the night and having people greet me? No.

Do I want to give up not looking over my shoulder all the time? No.

I like people that ACT like people. I like not feeling like an intended victim every time I walk out the door.

But I have known people who couldn't stand the tension of not needing to be tense. They moved back to the coast. Too much quiet BOTHERED them too much. Their loss.

Guessing at the remark Bogie made about putting in a pool and paving the driveway; I would have to say, "YUP, city yuppies for sure". Bet this will end up being a house that has parties on the weekend with cars that cost as much as some of the houses in the neighborhood. If so, don't worry, the isolation they desire and get from everyone will (hopefully) drive them into moving out. If not, they better learn to do what you do when in Rome; you do what the Romans do. OR ELSE!

Anyone here see "Diliverance?"

Comments

[Bogie]

I have a hard time figuring that you had a hard time fitting in at first. You are so gregarious and seem to be able to talk to most anyone!

[Wichi Dude]

Well, I am and I am. But being social and able to talk to almost anyone doesn't make you any LESS edgy or paranoid. You get "taken" enough times, you learn ways to compensate. I'll have to do another post to explain with more detail.

[Buffy]

Great post! My previous husband grew up in Wichita. He and his parents moved to central Illinois when he was in his mid-teens. His mother never adjusted to how "cold" those of us from Illinois are. She missed the friendliness of people saying "Hi!" as you walk down the street. I've lived in several parts of Illinois and what she was calling "cold" was down right puppy friendly compared to what you find in Chicago and the collar counties. In downtown Chicago you walk "tough" and don't make eye contact, and in the suburbs you are too busy driving around to be able to say "Hi!"

btw....I live in the "burbs." Where do I apply for my "boy toy???" *G*

[Dudette]

Buffy - I have been trying to get that info from him as well! Hmmm...I guess there is no boy toy in the near future for me!

[Cop Car]

It has, admittedly, been a few years; but, back in the days when I traveled a lot people always warned me of how unfriendly people were in Location A, Location B.... To tell you the truth, the most unfriendly people that I ever met were at Ohare. However, the folks around Glen Ellen were super friendly (I ended up being escorted around the area until about 3:30 AM by a woman that I met in a bar--meeting two of her (married) boyfriends!) On the way to one of the boy friends's place of work (a bar in a hangar on some smallish airport), it occurred to me that I neither knew anyone within 100 miles nor had I any idea where I was or how to return to the hotel into which I had booked earlier that evening. But, all ended well. The people in Long Island NY (and some of the burroughs--I was never really sure where I was there, either; but, at least I was doing my own driving) did not live up to their reputations. Everyone treated me well and were friendly--even at LaGuardia. Other than the one experience of a few hours in Ohare, I can't remember ever being the victim of ill will from the local populace. People rock!

[Wichi Dude]

RUN !!!! The aliens got her again. RUN AWAY!!!!