Wichi Dude

TRANSCENDMENTAL MEDIATION

or the zen of lawnmower maintenance.

MURPHY IS AT IT AGAIN

Tuesday night, just before heading off to bed, I went to close the garage door.  A typical nightly ritual, the "Closing Of The Door".  The last sign of life from Casa Wichi before we roll up the sidewalks (kinda funny since we don't HAVE any sidewalks).

And this was anything but funny.

STORMY WEATHER

The weather today was overcast and rainy.  OK...a bit of lightening and thunder thrown in.  I guess that is important in this.

NO "WHEELIES" PLEASE

Having ridden a motorcycle before, I tend to pay attention to fellow riders.  Road courtesy and respect, that sort of thing.  Come Spring, I tend to be even MORE attentive for riders.

Bogie posted on the new ride she got.  Riders are out there.  LOOK for them.  One of them may even be a friend or relative.

And when you're looking...

THE THINGS YOU HEAR...

and say at a restaurant.

For those easily offended, skip this.  It's a little rude, but the shock value was worth it.

Be warned and *click*, or not.

NOTHING BUT...

goofy critter stuff here.

THE "WHAT" KEY?

A friend of ours that seems to enjoy gracing the world with some of the most unusual happenings, shared with us yet again.

CAKE STAND

Dudette bought a cake stand.  It is an elevated stand for decorating.  And...

RETURN TO FREAK #2

KK.  I mentioned I would come back to Freak #2.  Well, here I is.

FREAKS ATTACK

Like the last time when I mentioned "MAH-STER", I was outside, minding my own business, when I hear this noise...

"MAH-STER"

The other night, I was out in the garage...minding my own business, of course.  When I heard this noise...

GOTTA WATCH OUT WHO

you piss off.

A person I know has had pissing matches with their IT department on and off.

SO, I WAS A BIT SLOW

I called the roofing guy today to set up having him look at the roof.  He was out, so I left a voice mail for him to call back.  While waiting, I went out back to see if I could find where the shingles were loose and flapping (yeah, another windy day).

CALVIN AND HOBBES

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Complete collections happen.

HE 'WHAT'???!!!

I heard a story today that was worth listening to.  Of course, I know of the people involved.  But still...WOW!  You'll see why.

READING THE TRAVEL RULES...cont.

Reading some more of the rules for travel, I hit a good one.  And (as if you needed warning) I have my own take on it.

WARNING:  if you have a limited sense of humor, don't bother.  And if you do bother, I don't want to hear about it.

SPEAKING OF TRAVELING...

Not having traveled since before 9-11, there have been some serious rule changes.  Big surprise.  Never had to pay much attention to them till now.

WHAT GONE...?

Dudette was questioned by some coworkers today...

THEY SAY...

that as you get older and you've spent enough time with your spouse, you finish each others sentences cause you know how the other person thinks and what they are going to say.

Well....we hit a new high point.

ANOTHER "SIGN" OF THE TIMES

Saw another sign.  This one was a billboard.

ANYBODY REMEMBER NORM CROSBY?

For those who remember Norm Crosby I have a link for you to check out.  It is a video of a guy doing a bit that would have done Norm at least a little proud.

For those who don't know Norm, he was a comedian who used the wrong words while telling a story.  He would use words that sounded close to what he should have said, but weren't the right words.  Like his wife using "electric crullers" instead of "curlers". (a cruller is a pastry btw)

Anyways, if you are bored, go check out "The Impotence of Proofreading".  (WARNING: one mild swear word is used in the skit...for those of tight morel values)

Funny happens.

THE REST OF WHAT...?

As I was finishing the last post, the dryer buzzed.  Dudette headed out to take care of it.  When she finished, she came in and asked where the rest of the towels were.

THE RESULTS AREN'T IN YET...

but when they do come in, I'll share.  We only thought it had 1001 uses.  May have to up it to 1002.

THIS IS FOR ALL THE ENGLISH MAJORS OUT THERE

CK stopped by yesterday.  She was telling us about how things were going, and started rubbing her eyes.

IT'S PUDDING

While I was surfing the 'net, Dudette was surfing the channels.  After a bit, I heard her in the kitchen rummaging around.  Of course I had to go get nosy investigate.

She said she was making pudding.  OK.  She likes pudding.  Me, not so much.

HAPPY VIDEO

One of the people Dudette works with carried on a while back about a movie they and the family saw about dancing penguins (you'll figure out the title soon enough).

They carried on so much about it, I thought Dudette was going to clobber them.  Though there were a number of cute stories that developed around it.

A WAXING STORY

You can read about it here.  But be warned, put your drinks down first.  No eating either.  You have been warned.

Learning happens.

HUNTING TRIP

One of Dudette's coworkers is headed out of town for a hunting trip.  They are going out of state after snow geese.

Dudette was talking to her boss about it, and her boss asked why the trip was out of state?  Don't the geese come into our state?

MOVIE STAR

Dudette's work did some filming for a "new hire orientation" bit.  It is also to be used during sales meetings, and showing to prospective clients.  Part of the program shows her and her boss "working on a project".

She is now known as "Movie Star Dudette" at work.  She isn't taking to it very well.

Those people will pay.  Trust me.

And don't even ask for an autograph.

Humor happens.

I WONDER ABOUT MYSELF

sometimes.

One of the gifts I got for Christmas was a new computer game.  Sort of...

PACKING PEANUTS

WHAT is with the packing peanuts?  I have a trash bag full of them now.  Couldn't you have used crumpled up 1's for cushion?  I'd even settle for 5's.  I'm not picky.

And the guilty know who they are.

HARRUMMPPHH.

Packing happens.

STILL MORE LIGHTS

I mentioned here about the lights at our neighbors house (I'll let you follow the other links in that one back to the original).  Well, they've added to them.

They now have a sleigh on the other side of the driveway to compliment the original reindeer in front.  Plus, in an ornamental "well" in the yard, they added poinsettias.  AND, hung lights from them as well.

And our resident freak,

WOW! INSIDER STOCK...

tips.  Seems I've finally irritated the Nigerian Officials that keep wanting to deposit MILLIONS of $$$ into my account until they can flee the country.  They have stopped trying to drop all those ill-won bucks in my back pocket.

NOW!  And I do mean NOW!!, I am getting "insider" stock tips for an oil company named...

"LET ME REPHRASE THAT" FOR $100, ALEX

We all do it.  Comedians get paid big bucks for talking about it.  But when it happens, you want to slither away.

And it always amazes people, how big a shoe they can fit in their mouths.

THOSE DARN LIGHTS

I mentioned the "new and improved" freak we have with the Christmas light here and here.

Well...

MORE LIGHT SPEWAGE

This is a warning as I failed to give a monitor alert on the last one (LIGHTS, CAMERAS, MORE LIGHTS).

Today I noticed the neighbor across the street messing around with stuff in the front yard.  For the most part, I ignored him.  However, when it got dark...

LIGHTS, CAMERAS, MORE LIGHTS...

I love talking about the freak across the street.  He always does such anal things around the front of his house.  Trimming the grass with scissors, and watering the tops of his trees are just a few...and we won't mention his vacuuming of the flower beds.

But this time of year, he usually gets up on the ladder and hangs his lights.  And is VERY pristine about it.  All nice and straight, hanging straight down from the eaves, and centered in the windows....

MISSION CONTROL...

This past Tuesday, I blew out the sprinkler system.  With winter coming on and temps dropping below freezing, I didn't want a repeat of a couple years ago when one of the main supply lines fractured.  I think the neighbors are still a bit miffed about part of their backyard being washed away.

WHAT'D SHE SAY?

A series of doubleentendre's made for a silly afternoon at work.

If you are easily offended, or just don't like stupid humor, then go no further.

You have been warned...

NOW...THAT'S A COMPLIMENT

The kids were over the other night keeping Dudette company.  After a bit of carrying on, Chew dropped a line on Dudette.

"You know?  You're not like a mother-in-law.  You're more like a really cool aunt."

Now...THAT'S a compliment.  One of a highest regard.

Being cool happens.

THAT PESKY LANGUAGE TEST

Alright, I finally got around to taking that silly language test.  I can't say what it says about me though.  But here are the results:

SO, WHERE'S THE IMPORTED STUFF?

That is just the question I had to ask one of our Maintenance people the other day.

When he looked at me with this really lost expression, I pointed up.

He looked, then laughed.  I don't think anyone ever noticed before.

Overhead, is a series of pipes that supply the building with a variety of stuff.  One of them is labeled...

OOPS!

Is the only way to describe this happening.

This is an actual conversation.  The guilty will not be named to protect the humor.  But it would make a really good commercial.  In fact, I think I will.

And now, here is my version.

A DROP OF OIL

Dudette got a book on massage.  Nice little educational book on how to massage more effectively.  Where the muscle groups are for the various tensions and how to work the knots out properly.  If you are going to get or give a rubdown, why not do it in a manner that works, and doesn't waste everyone's time.

Not that I've ever known ANYONE to turn down a back rub, even a bad one.

However...

ADDITION TO PREVENTION

Co-worker came to work a few days after the "WonderDrug" incident and sat down in Dudette's office.

She shared the following tale with Dudette...

AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION

Dudette wasn't feeling on top of her game earlier this week.  Seems a lot of people at her work have been down with various versions of the "crud".  And it looked like she was going to join the ranks.

Later in the day, she shared the following with me.

CK'S VISIT

CK stopped by tonight.  She was on her way to a friends, and the friend canceled the visit.  Apparently other things came up.  Since she was close to our place by then, she swung by to keep us company.

A PROBLEM WITH MY...WHAT!?

Called the Doctor's office today.  He told me back at the beginning of the month (when I first saw him) that if my hip/leg/butt/back problem wasn't better in a couple of weeks to get back and see him.

So, I called to make the appointment.

That, was different...

A VISIT FROM CK

I haven't posted in a couple days as I have been kind of busy and tired from work.  Overtime is kicking in and I don't know how much I will be able to get on or if I will have that much to share.

In the meantime though...

YOU DON'T SAY

(Fair warning: this one is a little rude but funny as all get out)

At a party recently (no more details, to protect the guilty) a bunch of us were having a conversation and the news of the day was being brought up.  One young woman mentioned (the conversation had deteriorated a bit by this time...most of the group were young adults, married and single) that there was an article in the newspaper about the various "marital performance enhancement drugs" ( I won't use the name brands as we have all gotten spam telling us how to get it cheap).

"It seems," she said, "that they are linking their use to blindness now."

I mentioned, off the cuff, "Well, they have been saying for years that other things caused blindness as well.  So who knows."

She blinked twice, looked at me and said,"...

I GOT CALLED A NAME TONIGHT

Dudette and I were talking about,...(I don't recall now, the shock did it to me), anyway...she said I was a "clean freak".

After I stopped laughing and got up off the floor, I politely told her she couldn't call me names.

I don't remember where that came from, but I needed the laugh.

Good humor happens.

MORE RESUME HUMOR

The following is an excerpt from a resume.  If you think about what is being said, it almost makes sense.  But when you read it, it'll make you scratch you head a bit.

NIGHT OF THE LIVING SOFT-WERE UPDATES

Dudette, Ck, and myself are due for the annual renewal of some "SOFT-WERE".  Kind of like the old horror flicks this stuff; at a full moon, or year, it turns into a monster that ravages your mind and machine.

"So, Van Helsing.  Are the stakes sharpened, the garlic fresh, the virgins, ummmm, virginal, and the crosses and holy water blessed?  There IS evil afoot."

"Yes.  It is time to renew, download, and reboot.  Pray and hope the silver connections keep the demons out."

"MAKE YOU STRANGE" CONTINUED

I got some funny replies to "Does This Make You Strange".  (Most were e-mails.  Cowards wouldn't even comment on the post itself.  Go figure.)

It creeped some folks out, and caused others to wonder about my mental state.  And that is fine.

DOES THIS MAKE YOU STRANGE?

If, during an intimate encounter, you and your partner start trading verses (singing) of "See Dub-Ya McHall's, Woof-Crick Pass" and harmonizing on the chorus, only to end up laying there in a fit of giggling after fulfillment; does that make you strange?

Just wondering.

Wondering happens.

A LITTLE NERVOUS?

Dudette was talking to a co-worker today about a trip they took.  They confided that they were terrified of flying.

IT CAUSED ME TO GIGGLE

Cop Car mentioned to Dudette that she would like a wrist corsage.  She was afraid a standard pin-on would put too much weight on the flimsy fabric of her outfit.

I started to grin at that point.

BUMPER STICKERS

Cop Car sent me this link for Bumper Stickers.

I especially liked the one: "And on the 8th day, God sobered up."

Calling them right happens.

A "FRAIL" DUDETTE?

Dudette was the proud recipient of a lap top computer from her boss at work.  The boss was getting an upgrade and Dudette got the hand-me-down.  Which is OK as she could really use one when traveling.

But the boss told Dudette to get a carrying case with wheels to lug it around in.  After all, the computer was heavy, and Dudette was "frail".

Dudette looked at her, and reminded her she was ONLY one year older than her (boss).  (CORRECTION:  Only ONE year YOUNGER than her boss.  If her boss could carry it, so could she.)

Yeah, right.  Dudette may be IS one year older  YOUNGER, but AND she is in a hellova lot better shape than her boss.

Frail, indeed.

On this one, I'm not too sure WHAT happens.

I KNOW what happens when I screw up an age.  FIXING it happens.

A MUST HAVE ACCESSORY

As I was leaving work today, parked next to me in the parking lot, was a jeep.  Fully loaded with all the extras you could ask for on one.

It had the obligitory winch, front and back.  An oversized lift-kit to give it higher clearance to get over the BIG rocks.  Serious all-terrain tires capable of scaling cliff faces.  An all tubular roll cage, just in case the tires failed.  And many more items that only a true off-roader could drool over.

It had one other accessory.  One that no jeep owner should be without.  It had a rock.

Yup.  A rock.  Right there in front of its back tire, to keep it from rolling away.

I guess the owner ran out of money before they could afford 1) a decent transmission to hold it in gear when parked, and 2) a decent set of brakes so the parking brake would work.

Gotta prioritize these things.

Traction happens.  (sometimes.)

A PROMISED PIECE OF HUMOR FROM THE OTHER NIGHT

After the Van Hagar show, I was listening to the radio while waiting for the traffic to clear out before leaving.  The station was playing the "after-the-show" show.  Basically songs from the band that just played.

They had on a good selection, and were taking requests from listeners.

And...someone called...

KITCHEN GIGGLES

Dudette picked up some new pans the other day. They are smaller than regular pans. Made more for 1 to 2 people portions.

So tonight, she was in the kitchen looking at some recipes, and CK came home from work.

COOL T-SHIRT

Saw the coolest T-shirt at work Friday. It had a cartoon of a deranged monkey on it and the caption said, "there is an EVIL monkey in my closet".

A FEW IRRITATIONS

Pulling into work today, there were, in a usually crowded parking lot, two spots fairly close to the walkway into the plant. I angled out, then backed into the first spot. Life was good.

A GREAT PICTURE

Cop Car sent me a great picture. It's called "Tattoo of the Year". I found it funny.

Does anyone think it might be a hint?

NEIGHBORS NEW TOY

I was working on my Bonsai trees this afternoon when I heard a "new" noise from the neighbors house. It sounded like his lawnmower, but different. This had a much deeper sound. He was opening up the gate to his fence, but the sound continued moving around. Now my curiosity was up.

His son came through the fence opening on a new riding lawnmower. Not a bad machine. The kid made fast work of the front yard before I could even get over there to gawk at the mower.

Turns out their old mower bit the big sparkplug earlier this past month and he got a killer deal on this one. Not bad. The kid wanted a go-cart. Dad needed a lawn mower. So they compromised. Dad got the lawnmower, and the kid drives it. Lawn gets done, kid has fun, and dad gets out of the work.

Sweet.

Oh, I should mention; this isn't the fruitloop across the street. This is my neighbor to the South, right next door.

Fescue happens.

SOMETIMES, YOU JUST HAVE TO SHARE

OK, so I'm not always politically correct. But somethings are worth sharing. Even if they are just funny out of sheer weirdness, or orneryness (is that a word?).

Most older members of the group have heard mention, and jokes, about how some nationalities have a rough time using English. It isn't their fault. We have a rough language. So, I have no qualm with them screwing it up. Hell, WE screw it up.

But it is funnier when they do it for some reason. Check out Engrish.com and you will see what I'm talking about.

Just cricking the button happens.

OH, YOU'RE NOT HERE

Dudette was going to pound me the other day. When I got home from work she told me so.

However...

OIL CHANGES

I was reading at Bogies place about the milage on her new truck. It seems that at 17 days old, she is almost ready for her first oil change. She mentioned my "new" truck and the fact that I had it for 3 months and got the oil changed even though it took 8 months to reach the 3,000 mile mark. Well, they say 3 months or 3,000 miles. So there I was.

I couldn't help but let her know, I just had the oil changed again, (for like the 6th time), and only just hit the 10,000 mile mark on it. I plan on retiring with that beast. LOL.

WENT SHOPPING AND WHAT DID I SEE...

Went shopping tonight. The typical grocery thing. In the grocery store, on one of those "get your attention" hanging racks, was a "NEW" cleaning cloth.

No, I am not making up this name. It is called "Whizz-Away". Now, wouldn't you think that would be a bathroom product?

Just guessing.

Names happen.

EYE GLASS NECKLACE

Dudette mentioned her boss has made a change in the way they wear their glasses. They are going with long distance contacts and get a pair of reading glasses. Dudette decided she needs to buy them a truly gawdy glass's necklace to wear them around their neck.

I told her that when she finds them, we'll mail them to her boss. Along with a card that says something to the effect of;

"Your HR Manager notified us that you have joined the ranks of many of our other AARP members in needing 'reading' glasses. Please enjoy this free gift from us. And remember, you NOW qualify for full membership." Make the letter in, oh...I don't know...maybe 16 or 24 point font. Block letters. Bold block letters.

Oh, and send a real memebership form.

Think the boss will see the humor in this?

Revenge (will probably) happen.

IT'S CONTAGIOUS

(SEE PREVIOUS POST)

One of our neighbors was out tonight training his young dog (no longer a puppy) how to heel and behave properly. All was going fairly well. He would shorten the leash to keep the dog close. Stop to keep the dog reigned in. All the stuff you do to train a dog.

It was enjoyable to watch. He was working the dog nicely and the dog was responding in a positive manner.

Then....Owner caught a case of my "stupids". So did the dog.

Walking along, (both of them) not paying attention; the dog's head was down, and Owner was talking to Spouse. They walked right up to a parked car. Owner was far enough out, dog wasn't.

Dog looked up just in time to be face to face with the cars bumper. Dog did what he was supposed to do, SLAM ON THE BRAKES. Then he skittered sideways. Dog had a program going here.

Unfortunately, Owner was in the way when dog skittered. Dog ran right into Owners legs and for a minute it looked like both were going to go down, HARD.

Thye didn't. And a credit to Owner, he didn't get upset with dog. Good showmanship on his part.

Still.....I wish I had my camera at that moment.

DOG: $100

LEASH: $20

TRAINING: $00.00

GOING ASS-OVER-TEA-KETTLE AND BEING CAUGHT ON FILM AND POSTED ON THE NET: PRICELESS

"You can't buy this kind of enterainment" happens.

A LITTLE JUMPY

A couple months back we had the misfortune of having a water heater go out on us. You know, the thrill of having the tank split and LOTS of water not intended for the floor, ending up there.

Well, the other day I was getting ready for work (3:50 am), and I heard a noise like the time the water heater went out. I was just about to have a fit. The heater is NEW. It CAN'T do this.

As I got around the stairs to the basement, the sound wasn't coming from there, it was coming from the kitchen. NOW WHAT'S BROKE?

Nothing. It was Dudette's single cup coffee maker doing its thing. Spooky when you're not used to hearing those kind of noises at that time of the morning.

Dudette thought it was funny. She got a laugh, I got a scare. We both went to work a little more awake that morning.

Noises happen.

POSTCARDS WITH AN EDGE "2"

Along with the postcard I mentioned in the last post, we also received one from a "new" local tanning salon. Nicely done card with great pictures on the front depicting tanners. I can't say to much more about the card except that, when Dudette gets done looking into the place, I'm hanging that postcard on my office wall.

Great scenery happens.

POSTCARDS WITH AN EDGE

The hair salon we use sent us postcards the other day. The cards were to inform us that they have relocated. That is fine. And they have some great offers as part of the new location opening.